A Birthday Special

In the first few posts, I’ve looked at how I’ve come to terms with the way I think, and learned to see and enjoy the positives in it. However, it has not always been like that, and there are definite down sides to be aware of. One of them is the way in which it can make you more vulnerable to mental health struggles such as anxiety and depression.

This day, 7 years ago, I was in the depths of the longest period of prolonged and life consuming anxiety (and periods of depression sometimes for a double whammy) I’ve ever experienced. It effected every part of my life, every day, for a number of years. It was also 1 week before the due date of my first born daughter, Melody. We didn’t particularly plan for a summer baby or anything, we had just started trying for a baby, and the timing happened when it happened.  Throughout Nicky's pregnancy the anxiety played its tricks, and I found myself often entertaining the dark thoughts of all that could go wrong during pregnancy and child birth, and if I would end up having a child at all, or if my wife would survive.  I was really trying to lean in to God, but as anyone who has experienced anxiety on this level, it's often not quite as simple as just trusting more.  In the end, instead of any of the terrible things happening that I had entertained in my mind, Melody arrived exactly 1 week early, which also happened to be the same day as my birthday! Nicky and Melody were perfectly healthy, and things couldn't have gone any smoother.  Naturally, the following weeks were tough, as they are for any new parent, but the fact that not only did everything go incredibly smoothly, but that also Melody was born on my birthday was just amazing.  I strongly feel that this was no accident, and that God's hand was all over it.  He wanted to show me that he cares about me, he cares about the big things, and cares about the small things.  There was still a long and windy journey for this dark period of my life to fully lift, but that was the start of that journey.  Nowadays, I sometimes experience short stints of anxiety or depression, which I tend to think of as "aftershocks" following the main earthquake that has past.

So now, every year, on the 9th of June, I get to celebrate 3 major events: my birthday, Melody's birthday, and the beginnings of my journey out of crippling anxiety.  This is why, the pictures below, with Melody in one arm and my birthday whisky in the other, is always the highlight of my day.  One year we were low on funds (I think it was when we were saving to buy a house), Nicky suggested I get a half sized bottle of whisky, so I could afford another present also.  That didn't happen, and all my birthday fund went in to the normal sized bottle, as I couldn't have the relative size difference between Melody and the bottle suddenly change.  It would have looked like Melody had had a major growth spurt! 

Anyway, that's about all I have time for now, friends are coming over and we're going to crack open this years bottle...my first Yorkshire Whisky!

If you want to hear more about how God helped me through my crippling anxiety, below is a recording of a teaching evening I lead last year as part of River City Church Hull.