Book Ponderings: Autistic Thinking in the Life of the Church
So far, the majority of the reading and research I have done throughout my journey of realising I am more than likely Autistic, has been mainly through: 1) talking to my friends who are Autistic, and learning from their experiences, and 2) reading online sources (blogs, articles etc.). After a while of going down this rabbit hole, I decided there was a need to look out for some books on the topic. During this process of introspection, I was both beginning to understand the strengths and good things of the way my mind works, but also becoming increasingly aware of the limitations it can have on me, especially on the size of my social battery. It was also around this same time that the restrictions which the COVID-19 pandemic put on social activities were beginning to lessen, and thus there was going to be more emphasis and expectations for increased social interactions. This actually became a point of worry for me, as I had gotten used to the lack these, and also was realising and understanding the amount of energy I've always had to put in to maintaining them before the pandemic. I was concerned I wouldn't have the energy to pick up from where everything had left off and carry on with the same level of activities as before. However, I had both a desire from my spiritual dimension* to interact with people more again, and I had aspects related to my church leadership role, here I wanted to reconnect and encourage people more again (as I had been doing more pre-covid). So, when I decided it was about time I found some books to read around Autism, I thought I'd see if there happened to be any related to faith and church, as this could help me in this process of understanding what post-Covid life could look like. To my surprise, there were two which had only just been published: "Autistic Thinking in the Life of the Church" by Stewart Rapley, and "On the Spectrum: Autism, Faith, and the Gifts of Neurodiversity" by Daniel Bowman Jr. Both of these have been well worth a read, and both were written by people who are, themselves, Autistic. I fully plan on reading some non-faith based books on this topic, but I felt it was about time I wrote on here some of my thoughts on these two books. I am not planning on writing a full and complete reviews of each, only a very brief overview, and some of the key thoughts that have lingered in my mind following reading them.
The first book I will talk about is: "Autistic Thinking in the Life of the Church" (I mean, you probably guessed that already, given both the title of this post, and the picture of the book cover...). From the very first few pages of this book, I was hooked. The way it is written is precise, clear, to the point, and its purpose is very well defined. I also very much liked how Rapley was always conscientious to ensure that words and statements he uses and makes were explicitly explained, and their limitations acknowledged. The purpose of this book is to look at only one of the aspects which may effect the Autistic persons engagement within the church, that being the cognitive (i.e. thought life) engagement aspects. He is clear that, whilst it is brought up on occasion within the book when it suits the discussion, sensory and relational (interpersonal) aspects are not the focus or purpose of the book. So the scope is well defined, and is fully looking at how Autistic thinking and thought processes differ from the neurotypical way, and focussed further still on how this plays out within a church context. He mentions a number times throughout about how various things can lead to significant cognitive dissonance in the Autistics mind. This is very much something I've experienced a good deal of, and in fact have talked about it in some of my early posts. This was before having read this book, which I've found puts in to words extremely well that which I have experienced. According to a well known online encyclopedia, cognitive dissonance is defined as the perception of contradictory information, and the mental toll of it. For me, the mental toil of it is the key focus here, as it has caused me to be very drained of energy and drive, and even quite distressed sometimes (which can be seen as a theme of some of my previous, and likely future, posts). The general structure of this book is as follows:
- The first section, approximately the first 2/3rds, looks at 4 key areas for potential cognitive disengagement
- The second section, approximately the last 1/3rd, gives some thoughts on how these areas for disengagement could be handled to reduce said disengagement.
- Their concepts of God
- Their ways of handling the Bible
- Their ways of understanding prayer
- Their response to supporting texts (such as songs or written prayers)
Each person interviewed was asked about their point of view on these things, their perception on how their church (i.e., the official position of the church) viewed and talked about these, and their perception on the congregations general view on them (the congregation likely to be predominantly neurotypical). The general overall pattern for each topic was that that Autistics view was on the left side of the graphs, the church's view was weighted towards the right, but often pulling toward the middle, and the congregations was further right than the church's. Herein, because I've already written a lot, I'm only going to talk very briefly about one of the biggest takeaways I had from reading this section, and probably in future posts look at some others.
My main takeaway
The takeaway that has probably had biggest impact on me and my life, is about the interplay between the concepts of God, and the understanding of prayer. The axes on the graphs for these to topics were as follows.
- Perceptions of God: left = non-anthropomorphic, right = anthropomorphic
- Understanding prayer: left = being, right = relational
So, briefly, the overall consensus for neurotypicals (based off the perceived view of the congregation) on how they view God, was weighted towards anthropomorphic. That means that their predominant view of God is that of one with human like properties. Whereas for the Autistic, it was heavily weighted towards non-anthropomorphic, that is, more of a spiritual "being like", less human like. Then for prayer, the neurotypical view was weighted towards a relational view, that is being seen as conversation with God, just as we converse with one another. For the Autistic, it was heavily weighted towards "being", that is, less conversational, more contemplative, and more about being in the presence of God (not necessarily feeling his presence, but sort of a meditative being in him). It's quite clear to see how these are linked really. If you see God as human like, then yes, having a conversation with him is going to be easier (though not quite as easy as human to human conversation). However, if you see God as a spiritual being, less human like, it's going to be hard to imagine having a conversation with him, and easier to imagine being in the presence of the spirit.
The first of two things that impacted me heavily from this part of the book, was that there was often one or two Autistics who, from what they said, were more on the right of the graph (along with the neurotypical response). However, from deeper analysis of their behaviours and other things they said in conversations, it was clear that deeper down, they resonated much more with the left side, where the rest of the Autistic responses were. This was discussed in terms of "learned behaviours". These were people who had learned the "right" response to these questions and topics, but never fully felt it themselves, but still explained God and prayer in this way because that's what they had learned it was the way it "should" be. This hit me deeply, as I realised I was one of those people. I've seen so many people see God in an anthropomorphic way, and I've often worked at seeing him that way, and worked at relational prayer. What actually resonates much more deeply with me though is the "being" of God, and the "being" in God through prayer (noting here that yes, Jesus was God in human form, which is one aid for helping us to see God the father more anthropomorphically). The second thing that impacted me was that, now I had realised that, it released me to be able to view God in a way that felt more natural to me, and to not feel the pressure to have pray in a specific way, particularly in my quiet times by myself (I still find it helpful for others to say more relational prayers when praying out loud at corporate prayer events).
Importantly, throughout the book, Rapley reiterates that the way Autistics would view these things are, in fact, perfectly biblical, but are the less discussed ways of viewing things. The non-anthropomorphic way of seeing God is seen throughout the Bible, and there are many examples of people just being in Gods presence, and communicating with him through that. It's just that much of the way that God is often discussed and viewed these days is anthropomorphic, and there is a heavy focus on heavily relational discussion type prayer. It is the being around teaching constantly from one perspective on how things "should" be, and yet not feeling it that way at all, which can lead to cognitive dissonance (a contradiction between what you're told about God and faith, and what you actually experience). There's nothing wrong with either way, they are often both perfectly valid biblical points of view. I personally think it's good to primarily focus on the way that feels more natural to you in your own devotional lives, whilst also not shying away from pushing in to the opposite way that feels less natural. There are so many facets of God and how he works, so let's work on allowing ourselves to be the way he has made us to be, but also pushing in to experience his fullness by experiencing him in ways different to our natural default. To this point, Rapley specifically pointed out that the default way of Autistics seeing things in a different way to large parts of the congregation, if harnessed well, can often bring incredible insights to the church, allowing them to see things from a different perspective to their normal way. This has been clearly prevalent in my life in the church. I have often found that I've been worried that what I was going to preach on a Sunday was too outside the normal way of seeing things, but that God has often helped me to find the words to explain it, and people have then commented afterwards that it has helped them to see something in a whole new light. It's moments like this that I hold on to dearly, as this is one of the benefits of the mind God has created in me, and can help me get through the harder aspects of having a mind like this.
Well, that was far more writing than I was planning, but honestly, I could just keep on going. However, I am painfully aware that my words will not do the book justice. There are years of research and thinking gone in to it, and I highly recommend you to get a copy and read it, whether you are/think you might be Autistic, or not. It's been hugely beneficial for me, and I hope that others will read it and find it either helps them personally, or helps them understand other people in their lives more.
Throughout this process, I keep coming back to Psalm 139:
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Each and everyone one of us are created by God, on purpose, and he has a reason for us being the way we are. God loves you, and wants to know you, and he invites you in to a relationship with him. As we do so, he works in us to help us to continually become more and more like him, from glory to glory (2 Corinthians 3:18).
*As it's been a while since I've posted, you can revisit my very first post first post, where I explain how I typically see my view of this world through three aspects/dimensions: spiritual, emotional and physical, and that each one can desire the same or different things to each other, leading to either great joy or deep struggle, respectively.
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